


Starry Nights

by deuxcember



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, M/M, Mild Sexual Content, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-08
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:14:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27458593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deuxcember/pseuds/deuxcember
Summary: "What have you fallen in love with? The stars, or the comfort that they give?"
Relationships: Lee Sanghyuk | Dawon/Yoo Taeyang
Comments: 7
Kudos: 23





	1. Fool

> **Taeyang**
> 
> **Taeyangie**
> 
> **Where are you now?**
> 
> _Read_

> **Don't ignore me.**
> 
> **Everyone's looking for you**
> 
> **Did you go to the bridge?**
> 
> _Read_

> **That's it, I'm gonna call you.**

As the familiar number pops up on his screen along with the caller's enormous profile picture —a self-captured Seoul's night skyline that Taeyang absolutely hates to remember— he doesn't think twice before tapping the hangup button. 

He barely wants to see his name on the chat messenger, why would a phone call be any better? 

And the fact that he knows exactly where Taeyang would escape to when he needs time for himself... Has he really become that predictable to him? 

It didn't take long before his phone rings again, seemingly even louder than last time, as the recipient grits his teeth in exasperation. The cold fall wind that nearly froze his ears moments earlier now incomparable to his disdain towards the loud ringing begging for his attention. 

It seems that he doesn't have a choice but to be at least a little bit responsible. 

> **Stop calling me. I'm fine.**

> **If you were, you wouldn't be out there waiting to get kidnapped.**

Taeyang clenches his jaw. 

He hates him. He hates how insensitive Sanghyuk can be, how he makes fun of him whenever he can. He hates that for a second, he wanted to answer the phone just to hear him call his name in the same manner as when no one else was looking. 

But it's not the time for fantasies.

There's no difference between the way Sanghyuk calls him, there's nothing but emotional exhaust behind the memories of him panting and whispering his name pleasuringly in between, and the ache that's left of those moments made that crystal clear for him.

> **Can't you read? I said I'm fine.**
> 
> **I'm coming home in a few. Tell everyone they can go to bed.**

> **I already did.**

Taeyang raises his eyebrow. Then why did he bother mentioning them? 

> **I told them I was going to get you.**

Taeyang's heart leaps in his chest. 

> **_Get lost. I can go on my own._ **

He begins to type furiously, until his finger hovers over the send button. 

He can't tell if it's the cold getting to his nerves, or if he realized that running away in the middle of the night isn't relieving his problems, or if the thought of being alone with Sanghyuk in a car at night was messing with his decisions. 

In the end, he never hit send. 

> **It's not safe to go alone at this hour.**
> 
> **Besides, I miss you.**

He bites his lip at the final reply.

_"Fuck you."_

And once again, Taeyang's made a fool out of himself. 


	2. Sober

For Taeyang, Sanghyuk is like the stars at night. 

Not the millions he's seen out in the open during one of his few trips to nature, but the ones watching over the crowded city he's always lived in. The ones whose lights get drowned out by the gleam of Seoul's nightlife. The stars that his eyes can seldom see, but when they do, it's nothing short of magical. 

He remembers the way they looked at him, how he became intoxicated by them like a drug, how they tricked his mind into thinking that all the happiness in the world was within their intertwined fingers— until it all left with them as the night passed. 

After all, that's what they ever were. Beautiful, scarce, unrestrained... 

_Impossible to forget._

Taeyang's breath catches in his throat with the sight of an all-too-familiar license plate. 

He has no intention to stop for him— he didn't walk this far by foot towards the train station for his effort to be canceled by the person he wants to see the least. 

But he came for him. He didn't leave immediately when he realized Taeyang wasn't where he was anymore. Sanghyuk came looking for him, and somehow the thought of it created a strange feeling tugging at his chest. 

"You didn't say you wanted to play cat and mouse," snickered Sanghyuk, cocking his head slightly out of his car window. "Get in." 

"Which part of not wanting to see anyone do you not understand?" Taeyang finally faces him, eyes red with frustration and tiredness.

He soon realizes, however, the sharpness of the tone he had just uttered. Especially towards someone older than him, even if he's screwed that someone more than a couple times. 

Sanghyuk doesn't respond for a moment, as if assessing the degree of Taeyang's emotional state and his right to retaliate. Nevertheless, he decides to let it go. 

"Get in the car, Taeyang. Or do you want me to carry you in?" 

Taeyang wishes he was drunk right now.

So drunk that he doesn't have to feel the weight of his pride giving in to sweet words, that he would close his eyes and pretend they would never have to meet again the next morning and the mornings after. 

Instead, he's completely sober, and the pounding headache gutting at his consciousness is the only thing reminding him of the logical decision to be made.

Letting out a deep discontented sigh, Taeyang reluctantly walks towards the passenger seat before latching his arm to its freezing handle. The door slams close with a thud, but the relief as the warmth of the interior begin to calm him betrays everything he had felt for the person holding the wheel. 

Taeyang quickly nuzzles himself against the window, oblivious to the smile he had painted on Sanghyuk's lips.

As he forces his eyes shut, the car slowly pulls away, farther from the bitter coldness of the fall night.


	3. Daydream

The trip back is as silent as Taeyang hates for it to be. 

He had forced himself to sleep despite Sanghyuk driving right beside him, the passing street lights painting his facial features as gentle and luring as the one he would find himself dreaming about during the day. 

Taeyang knows Sanghyuk isn't much of a blabberer— behind the curtains, at least. It's a different story when he's up on the stage, spilling the energy he had bottled-up as well as outrageous sense of humor to entertain hundreds of thousands of audiences. Taeyang liked to think that he was special, that the older must have thought of him close enough to be his true self around him. 

But now, he's not so sure if he wants to keep being as close to Sanghyuk as he has been.

"Aren't you going to say anything to me?" 

At the corner of his eyes, Taeyang watches as Sanghyuk's gaze flicks towards him. 

"Thought you were still sulking," Sanghyuk replied, his warm voice devoid of any particular emotion. "So you're ready to talk?" 

Taeyang clicks his tongue. Deciding that answering Sanghyuk's question will only make him more irritated than he already is, he rests his chin atop his hand before continuing to stare aimlessly through the car window.

"Why did you leave without telling anyone, huh?" Sanghyuk asks, ignoring the younger's unspoken gesture. "What happened? I can listen."

"None of your business."

"Well, it's mine or the other guys'."

The SUV pulls to a stop at a traffic just by the highway's exit, the sound of the car's hand-brake being pulled indicates that Taeyang can finally rid himself of the situation in just a number of minutes. It might also mean that he can stall the older long enough to leave without giving him too much details. 

"You can't suddenly disappear after a schedule," Sanghyuk exclaims, staring straight at Taeyang whilst the traffic gives his mind a breather. "And not expect everyone to lose their shit."

"I know."

Taeyang sighs, his gaze still focusing on the cars to his right. Small trickles of water begin to fall on the glass' surface, obscuring Sanghyuk's side profile from clear view. And yet, Taeyang brushes it off. 

That's right, he doesn't care to find out what Sanghyuk thinks of him from his expression. Not now, not in a million years. 

The car begins to move again as the traffic clears up, still without a response. Sanghyuk's eyebrows furrow as if he wants to say something, yet at the same time hoping Taeyang would open up to him with his own will. 

And the more Taeyang thinks about it, Sanghyuk did help him. Regardless if Taeyang ever hoped for it, the least he can do for him is to share a piece of reason as a small gratitude. 

"If I talk, would you tell them not to make a fuss about it?" Taeyang asks in a hushed voice, almost as if making a wish. The buildings standing idly by the streets becoming more recognizable by the second, the turns and crossroads begin to resemble Taeyang's home for the past few years. 

"If it sounds good," Sanghyuk replies nonchalantly. 

With a silent response coming from the younger, he then clears his throat. "Yeah, sure. Not even Youngkyun will, promise."

Taeyang scoffs at the mention of his roommate. He knows Sanghyuk well enough now that he turns everything he feels skeptical about into a form of sarcasm. Even long after Taeyang came clear that their no-strings-attached was no longer a secret between two, his jealousy-insecurity spree would still find its way into their conversation at times. 

Taeyang combs his fingers through his dark hair, trying to gather a coherent response. He realizes the drizzle has slowly turned into heavy rain, its hammering sound seemingly drilling a hole through the roof and into the inside. Slightly raising his voice so the older can hear, he replies. "Nothing in particular." 

He watches as the car makes a turn into a smaller road, the quaint flower shops on its side he would often visit just to make anything out of his free schedule. The short drive is coming to an end, and Taeyang can feel his shoulders slumping in relief.

Until a sentence from Sanghyuk turns his expectation around. 

Scrutinizing what's left to be seen on the street in front of them, Sanghyuk mutters in disbelief. "What the hell?" 

Taeyang bolts his back up straight, squinting his eyes forward to where Sanghyuk is looking. A portal can be seen a few feet in front of them with a yellow sign plastered on top, its letters almost unreadable from the downpour. 

"It says there's a curfew for vehicles," Sanghyuk says, leaning concedingly against his seat as he rubs his temple.

"In other words, we can't go any further."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to keep each chapter around 500-1000 words because then I find it easier to update ^^ Excuse me if the plot is moving slowly hahah


	4. Shelter

"That's great," Taeyang cups his face in his palm. "I'll try not to get blown away by the wind."

"I didn't bring an umbrella."

Taeyang turns his head sharply at Sanghyuk, who lets out a sigh. 

"So?" Taeyang says, thankful that his voice didn't crack and reveal the tension that has suddenly overwhelmed him. "I'll dash through it."

"You realize it's still one and a half kilometres away from here?" Sanghyuk stares back at him, raising an eyebrow. "You're not getting yourself a hospital appointment, Tae."

"Well what am I supposed to do, then?" Taeyang says, almost yelling. He ruffles his hair in agitation, the realization that he would have to spend hours glued to his spot summons his pounding headache back. 

His leg starts tapping, sympathetic nerves pulsating through his body. He tries to convince himself that he hates this situation more than anything—

But the moment he accidentally locks eyes with the man sitting right next to him, a strange yet curious feeling gulps down his throat. 

Sanghyuk looks at him, meaningfully for once, his lips contorting into an expression of concern.

Then, he speaks. "Maybe now you can tell me the whole story."

Taeyang shrugs at the suggestion, lips twitching into a pout. He turns his head away from Sanghyuk, as if doing so would mean transporting him into his safe haven. 

But of course, this isn't a fairytale. The exhaustion flowing through his entire body is all true, so as every bit of the soul waiting patiently for Taeyang to bare himself to him. 

And in this reality, he will. 

"I'm just... tired. Of everything."

Taeyang slumps back in his seat, eyes staring towards the ceiling with no particular aim.

"Everything happening recently... It's just so exhausting. We literally have no time off, my video project isn't coming together, that show's PD was a total fucking ass—" 

Heat spreads across his face as Taeyang recounts everything before Sanghyuk, those he had meant to say and even those he hadn't. He vents and curses, hurting his own foot as his body language impulsively opts for the dramatic. And all the while, the older stays quietly by his side, not a blink of judgment visible to the eyes. 

If there's anything about Sanghyuk that Taeyang loves more than the feeling of his arms straddling him close, it's that his presence always makes him feel free. As if he owned the entire world where no one can harm him with what they can't see.

He makes him feel that being human is more than enough.

"I wish I can escape for just once without everyone being _fucking fake_ and say that they want to help me, when they actually don't give a shit!" 

Taeyang lets out a deep breath, resting his neck on the car seat in defeat. "Fuck this. Fuck everything." 

The pain ringing in his ears from the headache slowly dissipating, he cranes his neck slightly towards the window again, finally noticing the faint sketches of the street they're at. His breathing rhythm slowly steadies with the restless sound of the rain, Taeyang can feel his body slowly relieving of the built-up emotions in his veins. 

Yet once again, the atmosphere becomes quiet. 

No comforting reply, not one of Sanghyuk's mischievous remarks that Taeyang's gotten used to over the years, not even a reassurance that what he said isn't true and that his members have always cared for him. Nothing. 

Was he wrong about him? Has Taeyang's soul become so despicable that even the stars watching over him turns their backs away when he looks above? 

Who did he think he is to expect so much from Sanghyuk? 

As the older's silence begins to emotionally wrench at his throat, Taeyang suddenly flinches at a warmth he didn't expect. 

Sanghyuk rests his hand on top of his, gently and of ineffable sympathy. A less than familiar sight, yet a heart-fluttering feeling Taeyang remembers all too well. 

His warmth calming the nerves jolting through his body, his callused thumb gently brushing the younger's palm in comfort, yet still too reluctant to hold it as if it was his. 

A meaning behind which Taeyang had convinced himself he no longer wants to decipher. 

"You're not my girlfriend, _Hyung_." 

Taeyang utters, the increasing pace of his beating heart unable to be concealed by the coldness in his tone. "Don't do that, please."

And yet, it silently whispers for him not to stop. 

"You should pull away then." 

The sentence catches Taeyang off guard. Indeed, he was too busy living out all the possible scenario that can progress from a single moment that Sanghyuk's touch already seemed like a sinful habit. 

He quickly recoils his hand from Sanghyuk's, heat flushing across his face as he dares himself to look straight at the older's eyes. He opens his mouth to retort, but what occurs inside his own rose-colored fantasy surpasses every other emotion he feels at the moment. 

Under the roars of the thunderless storm, he can see the shadows countouring Sanghyuk's face. His gentle yet impenetrable eyes reflecting the light of the moon, the sky's indigo hue tainting the scripture Taeyang has never gotten tired of admiring. His gaze begins to drift to his nose, his lips, then to his jaw…

_He can hardly hold back from kissing him right now._

"Are you messing with me?" Taeyang says, almost shakily, his words coming out like vapor amidst the cold. He didn't realize he's been holding his breath until then, as the inches separating him and the man responsible for this torture seemingly becomes less and less prominent. 

Sanghyuk shakes his head lightly, as Taeyang watches the color of his gaze turn. It's no longer dyed the color of the rain, nor the color that greeted the younger earlier on his way to the train station. It's the color he hasn't and will never forget— one that makes his whole existence submit to it. 

Taeyang feels a hand touching his cheek, slowly grazing the line down his jaw before it lifts his chin. The older leans his face closer, scanning the sight in front of him with such assertion that it almost exclaims arrogance. Taeyang despises it, he wishes he could wipe that poignance off his handsome face— and yet, his body disobeys him. 

"No," Sanghyuk speaks, his gaze wandering down to the unbuttoned collar of Taeyang's shirt before settling back to his eyes. 

He's not ready for this. He made a promise not to fall for the same mistake over and over again. He promised not to let himself get hurt over something that doesn't exist. 

And yet, as if declaring a war, his biggest fear brushes a thumb over his bottom lip as his sentence rings out like a whisper. 

"But you're making it hard not to."

One thing that has turned for the better ever since Sanghyuk, is the fact that Taeyang no longer needs to wonder if he has a decent sense of humor.

Not when he keeps losing himself to the devil's offer.

And as if time has stopped and the rain never fell, Taeyang shuts his vision and indulges himself in all his other senses. 

With his body no longer under the control of his heart's pleas, he cranes his neck forward to taste what he's resisted for too long. 

A soft kiss, one out of impulse, begins to turn deeper as Sanghyuk reciprocates with unhindered desire. His lips moving with ostentation, his fingers tracing over Taeyang's jaw before grabbing the hair at the back of his head. His tongue barges in without warning as it takes Taeyang for a dance, submerging him deeper into a sea of pleasure. 

To feel liberated would never be enough to explain the shivers drifting down Taeyang's stomach as Sanghyuk's hands begin to make love to his body. As if his existence was a myth, as if love and lust weren't separate beings...

He finds himself wanting everything. 

A soft moan leaves his mouth right as Sanghyuk buries his face in his neck, kissing and sucking on a very particular spot. _Taeyang's spot._

An intoxicating sweetness that always brings him down to his knees, one that not just any lover knows. 

And just as his hands travel inside the older's clothes to trace down his waist, 

he lets out a gasp from the audacity stroking between his groin. 

As his increasing quench begins to move his waist along with Sanghyuk's skillful hand, the older lifts his face closer to Taeyang's ear, desire and a hint of coyness laid bare. 

_"Do you want to move to the back seat?"_


	5. Friend

The warmth of the sunlight seeping through the window is enough to flutter his eyes awake.

Taeyang moves the blanket over as he tries to sit up, before he feels a light cramp around his waist. He squints his eyes as heat begins to sting his cheek, forcing him to leave his bed. 

His roommate has already left the room, possibly hours ago, as Taeyang's pupils widen at the sight of the clock. It might be Sunday, but breakfast is still breakfast, and the dorm's cook is rarely kind enough to save him an extra portion. 

He fixes his hair abruptly, then immediately goes to the living room. But the sight of the faces welcoming him are more contrastingly diverse than he thought. 

"Taeyang-ah," Youngbin immediately puts his phone away as he approaches him. He's trying his best to don a neutral expression, but the anxiety plastered to his eyes are enough to remind Taeyang that not everything's okay yet.

"You okay? Did you sleep well last night?" The oldest claps him on the shoulder. 

"I did, _Hyung_. Sorry for making you all worry," Taeyang replies with a smile. 

Turns out Sanghyuk did keep his word and somehow convinced the members not to interrogate him further. That's at least one thing Taeyang can breathe in relief about.

After a small talk and Jaeyoon's clearly sarcastic advice about not putting his phone on silent, Taeyang walks to the kitchen to grab the last plates of food he can gather. As he heads back to the living room, he notices that only Youngkyun is left, eyes focusing intently on his phone.

"What are you doing?" Taeyang asks, almost playfully like a child, as he sits down next to Youngkyun with a bowl and chopsticks in hand. He starts enthusiastically digging into his late breakfast until he realizes his friend isn't replying. It takes a moment before Youngkyun decides to stop scrolling down his social media feed and steal a slight glance at him.

He does not look excited, and it's making Taeyang nervous.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

To his surprise, Youngkyun chuckles. He rolls his eyes to the floor before he hisses through his words. "I can't with you."

Taeyang stops fiddling with his food and raises his head to look at the younger. Before he had to ask why, the next sentence shoots right through him like a bullet. 

"You were sleeping with him, right?"

_"What?"_ Taeyang frowns, as if he hasn't heard it clear enough the first time. 

"I went to bed right after getting home," he retorts, his stubbornness failing to disguise nervosity. Youngkyun only glares at him before he turns to face Taeyang entirely. 

"Sorry, I should've worded it better. Did you have sex with Sanghyuk- _hyung_ again last night?" 

" _Ya_ , Youngkyun—" 

Taeyang rises to his knees, eyes frantically flicking around to make sure no one overheard it. He turns back to face Youngkyun, who doesn't seem apologetic for saying it out loud. 

"I told you to keep it quiet," he sits back on the floor, fuming. 

Youngkyun shakes his head. "Really? 'Cause it looks like you're not even bothered to hide it."

"What does that mean?!" 

"You smell like his perfume."

Taeyang freezes. He remembers Sanghyuk walking him to the dorm after the rain stopped, the older leaving like it was another day of work, and then going straight to bed because he was too exhausted to be caring for himself. 

"I did. Are you gonna judge me?" Taeyang asks, frustration tainting his voice. "Trust me, nothing you say is gonna make me feel worse than already."

He feels his vision blurring and a sensation of something caught in his throat, which seem to be visible to Youngkyun as well. The younger runs a hand through his hair as he sighs. 

"You know I'm not judging you for... sleeping with a _guy_ , right?" He says. 

"I'm worried because you told me he's not looking for something serious."

Taeyang takes a deep breath. He hates to go back to this conversation over and over again. 

"I'm fine with it. We're still good friends, no one gets hurt."

"You do, _Hyung_."

Taeyang bites the inside of his mouth. Youngkyun searches his expression for a hint of truth, and he finds the same one he always do. 

"Why do you keep letting him toy with you?" Youngkyun stresses, rubbing his forehead. "You're practically in love with him, and what does he say?"

"I'm not. It's just a stupid crush." 

Youngkyun stares straight at him, a mixture of thoughts clearly written on his face. And as Taeyang averts his gaze towards the ground, he knows that it was a lie. 

"I don't think it's right that you keep it going for this long, _Hyung_. I know our job can be lonely sometimes, but getting it on with your own group member is—" 

"What was that?" Taeyang cuts him sharply, eyes glaring daggers at the younger. Youngkyun instantly recoils, realizing he might have spilled his opinion more than he should have. 

"So that's what you think, huh? That I'm so freaking _pathetic_?"

"Just… Listen."

Youngkyun leans his back forward, eyes staring at his fingers. Taeyang crosses his arms, ready to take his leave with a single word that would spill his rage. 

"I don't want you to get hurt by something you could've stayed away from," Youngkyun says. "If you can't even do that for yourself, then do it for our team." 

Just as Taeyang opens his mouth to retort, Youngkyun continues. 

"Admit it, _Hyung_... There's no way a relationship like that isn't going to have an impact on our friendship."

The room falls silent. Neither of them says a word afterwards— only an air of realization and a lingering awkwardness with every second. 

Having said what he wanted to say, Youngkyun rises to his feet as he heads back to his room. Yet right before he passes the living room, his footsteps stop to a halt. 

"Maybe... The way to get out is to find someone new." He says, without looking back at the older. "Be it a girl or a guy— someone who loves you, and doesn't take advantage of you."

Finally, he turns his head to look at his friend. "Because you deserve that at the very least."


	6. Nectar (Part I)

**_A few months earlier..._ **

Other than the glitz and dazzle of a top tier nightclub, choosing the debut anniversary after-party to get his crush alone proves to be much harder than Taeyang thought.

Shifting his legs nervously in the slickest black suit and dress shoes he could pick out for the evening, Taeyang continues staring blankly at his phone, pretending to be busy amidst his members' chaotic laughters. 

Trying to calm his nerves without grabbing anyone's attention, he takes a deep breath and exhales— except it's not working anymore. Not when he's done it more times in the past hour than he's ever counted his whole life.

He didn't even think that he could be this nervous for him.

Lee Dawon.

Sanghyuk. 

_His_ Sanghyuk. 

The name that's been repeated a million times inside his mind, the voice that he never ceases to long, the beauty that would outshine all the synthetic lights in the club, the smile that has replaced the sun as Taeyang's beginning of day. And tonight, he's determined to finally confess his feelings. 

That is, if he wasn't on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

_What if he's completely repulsed to it?_ He thinks to himself, shaking his head in frustration. _Forget that, how am I supposed to talk to him privately in here?_

With the guys practically cheering between the loud music while dragging each other to every spot they find interesting —with an exception of one or two who sneaked away once an attractive woman had caught his attention— it's almost impossible to spend time away from prying eyes. Taeyang almost gives up as he realizes he might be stuck singing and listening to corny jokes all night, until... 

"I think I'll check out the bar." 

Taeyang cocks his head in his direction, his heartbeat immediately going faster. The one man he hasn't been able to stop thinking about all night long suddenly rises up from his seat as he dusts off the navy satin blazer tightly hugging around his body. Taeyang feels a gulp go down his throat as he watches him walking swiftly between the others' legs in order to leave their table. 

"Alone? Did you spot a hot chick?" Juho slaps him playfully on the back, to which Sanghyuk replies with an exaggerated whine. 

"I need a real drink, pronto." He chuckles before he waves at his companions. "Be back later... probably."

Taeyang's eyes instinctively follow him, contemplating the best option he needs to take— when Sanghyuk suddenly catches his stare.

For a brief second, he looks back at him. He doesn't smile nor blink, nor does he extend an official invitation to join him in escaping the crowd. Maybe it's just the lights fooling him, or that Taeyang's wild imaginations have done it again— but something in his eyes says differently that night. 

Something Taeyang's never received from him before. Somewhere between curiosity and sensuality... Or both. 

And right then, he knows that he can't let this chance slip out of his fingers.


End file.
